Thursday, September 16, 2021

I HATE YOU

Hate seeing you suffer;

Hate witnessing you gradually being crushed.


When you know the truth, you remain


zipped.

Given the fact is already in front of you, slapping you, you stay unmoved.

You always act as if you know nothing;

Pretending to be okay when you’re not.

I don’t know if you already used to being too insensitive with yourself,

But I hate the way you do it with all your might.

It’s so disgusting seeing you pretending so well.

You’re too hard on yourself, honey.


Why not quit when it’s too exhausting?

Why not complain when you’re hurting?

Why not shout and cry your pain?

Why not stand up and speak?

Why stay?


Are you having fun with the twinge?

Isn’t it easier to express your feelings than suppressing it inside?

Learn to communicate, know when to say no.

Learn to resist when you feel it’s not good for you.

In the end, it’s you and your choice that matter.


I hate you.

Hate the way you look; the way you act; the way you speak.

Hate the way you smile while making me convinced it is true.

Our laughter makes me wonder when your last cry was.

This kind of curiosity made me realize one thing:

I hate you A LOT, because I care.


I want you to change.

Not because I don’t like you, but because I love you.

I want you to really get well and feel better.

I want you to be truly happy and forget the reason of your sadness.

I wanna help you define your worth.

You deserve it, my dear.

I will be here for you through thick and thin.

Always remember this:


“Nobody will love you like I do.”


-Your Soul.



KAbkd

Monday, November 30, 2020

Sana Ako Na Lang Ang Sana Mo

 “Alam ko. Kahit anong gawin ko, di’ko matutumbasan ang pagmamahal na kaya n’yang ipadama sa’yo.

   Alam ko. Umabot man tayo sa dulo ng mundo. S’ya at s’ya pa rin ang natatanging SANA ng buhay mo.

   Sana ako nalang ang SANA mo.”

-Kabkd.

- - - - - - - - - - 

Mas pipiliin kong ako nalang ang masaktan kaysa magkasama nga tayo pero sya naman ang hinahanap ng puso mo.

To be continued

Wednesday, November 25, 2020

My Lover’s Doppelganger



09172018***

Chapter 1: Comment Il T’a Rencontre


It was almost a week since the guy met the girl and had their very first tete-a-tete.

It would have been a normal encounter.

Until they felt like it was a very lucky day, maybe.

“No, no, no. It can’t be”, the girl told herself.

—————————

One afternoon, the girl didn’t expect grasping the guy there at the refectory. The scene moved like these:

The guy simply looked at her at the distance until their bodies went closer to each other. Smiles spilled out of their cheeks with glittering eyes shine further. The girl seemed shy to look at the man beside her or maybe she was just afraid to be drowned to his appealing grins. His voice looked more captivating than their first encounter. The girl suddenly felt the butterflies in her stomach causing her sweats to defecate from her membrane. While the man left with bliss.

It was followed by an unexpected event.

The guy had the opportunity to approach the girl again, well, for business reasons. He tried fixing her concern. Along with those times was the peculiarity of her heartbeat that she could not understand why - roaring like a wild lion that wants to drip from a ruse. Moreover, she glimpsed a picture of her wearing a blue blouse - smiling preciously - in front of that guy! Haha.

That was perhaps the most exquisite staring game, ever.

The longest gaze with no blinks of eyes and a feeling of embarassment. =)

Her world began turning upside down while the man was so strong in composing himself and trying to eliminate the awkwardness that mediates between them. Looking at the man’s face, his mouth was contrary from what his eyes had said as he drove her entire rosy cheeks. Consequently, the thing in her palm didn’t work properly for her nervous system began to malfunction. :P

Thinking that her day would end normally, she had made a mistake.

For that recent setup resumed in which, with her current companion in life, their paths once again multi-crossed. >.< They were both surprised yet as usual he seemed really good in hiding and playing with his emotions. He was able to approach and talk to her buddy as if nothing happens, and like he was confirming something. The pity girl couldn’t move and turn around just to maintain her composure. Then the man waved and left the girl uneasy and bit disappointed for no apparent reason. :-(




Chapter 2: Les Répliques


The world of these two creatures seems to be getting smaller.

Why just now? Why not when I was free? She wondered.

Around 7 o’clock in the evening, the girl was about to leave the place. While wiping her stuff, she removed the glasses that serve as a clear cover in her enormous world. But with what she did, her senses appeared much clearer. Her eyesight reflected an upcoming man who was very familiar with her. From somewhat distance, that guy was watching her - making a nice hair bun smiling in front of the tiny mirror :-)


This was followed again by an incident that brought them into confusion - the first 5- second gazing game.

Yeah. Just Five seconds. Five seconds that has changed their course.

It was 3 and a half in the afternoon. Long queue. A surrounding where only the peripheral sound of spoons and forks can be heard.

As she dropped the remaining dessert on her plate, there he stood from afar - awaiting his order. He pretended looking for a vacant space until he saw her happily chatting with her colleagues. On the other hand, the pretty lass imitated his moves in a better way, huh. When the man turned his back again, she caught his gaze and stared at him. It was 5 seconds. She then raised her eyebrows as if asking why, then nodded and smiled :D

She couldn’t paint the man’s face! Hahaha.

He smiled back for a moment but that smile suddenly turned into curiosity and misperception.

Did she really smiles at me? Am i right smiling back? But why is she smiling? He wondered.

The girl seemed embarrassed too. That’s why she had to grin more while talking nonsense towards her colleagues to show that smile wasn’t intended for him.

It wasn’t for me. I’m really stupid to think that way. The guy slapped himself with the mere truth.

And that move had a devastating effect.

The next day, the met again at the place where they often met. But unfortunately, he brought with him the obdurate and bad aura.

He was throwing deadma-look to the girl. 

He snubbed her until he started evading her.

Oh-oh. Is the game already over between us? She mutely questioned.




Chapter 3: S’il Te Plait Ne Retourne Pas La Page


They say, “No matter what you do, the heart can never be dictated.”

One afternoon, the girl caught the guy again looking at her in the distance. Along with the hardness of breathing, she wanted to go down deep to his eyes to meet his soul. As they went closer to each other, the guy refused like he can’t bear the glowing light in front of him. While on the girl’s POV, she noticed how well-groomed the guy was on that day. But for an unlikely reason, or perhaps to calm himself, he left quickly. :-(

Since that gazing game incident, these two chose to ignore their presence.

AS IF.

As she know through her peripheral vision that the guy secretly throwing glimpses at her. They were chasing each other. The girl felt the butterflies again on her stomach.

Hopefully somehow, he knows. But NO, PLEASE, not now. She thought confusedly.

It’s been several consecutive days that they met in that place at the same time. She would like to think it was just coincidental but her heart says otherwise. Like earlier that day, the girl was looking at his usual spot praying not to see him there. But the man suddenly appeared again. As always, he was very simple yet clean and beautiful-in-sight kind of gent, making this little lassie more fragile. Huhu


-to be continued ❤️





Sunday, June 14, 2020

"You're the Inspiration"

Remember the certain lines of that song?


"You're the meaning in my life, you're the Inspiration,
 You bring feeling to my life, you're the Inspiration,
 I wanna have you hear me saying, no one needs you more than I need you.."


A pretty good song, isn't it?

Every time I hear this song, I arrive into so many realisations - 
things that might have happened but I let it slipped away; 
chances that I ignored;
people that I loved yet I hurt them so bad in the end.
This song really serves as my inspiration in everything that I do now.

It reminds me of an exceptional someone.
He doesn't know - and will never know.
He taught me lessons and made me comprehend things.
He's the reason for where I am and what I am now.
He taught me how to behave in any circumstance.
He's one of the best tutors with the finest lessons I have ever learned.

I am doing better now because of him.

He is my inspiration.

And I am his avid fan. 🙂





KAbkd.071416




Monday, February 25, 2019

Who Deserves More?


The one who claimed his love before letting you go, or the one who is always afraid of losing you?

Many people say that you will know if it is true love when someone is willing to set you free for you to be happy, even if he's no longer the reason of your happiness.

But, how do you choose someone who has already given up?

And there are those people who asserted that if he fears losing you, he truly loves you.

IDIOCY.

Not all people who are afraid of losing you truly love you.
Not everyone who chooses you are really into you.
Not all that seems happy being with you really feel that way.
Not all of them are genuine with their feelings.
Maybe there are certain people in your life right now who stick with you and want you to stay.

Wanna know why? Simple.

Because they are coward. .
They are afraid of trying and failing again.
They hate being alone.
They can’t accept the fact that their lives are in mess.
They want to prove that they are not biggest losers.
They show to the world that they are absolutely fine and lucky.

While the truths are-

They are currently fighting for depression;
They are lonely;
They’ve been hurt.
They are JUST in denial.
And this is the worse part for they have made you feel like you're the luckiest person on Earth.

You want their whole presence - not just physically but also emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually.
You want them fully yet you have no clue on what’s going on for they keep putting a good show.
Then you’ll just be surprised one day, they disappear.

For what reason?

INTOLERABLE BURDEN INSIDE -
because nobody can deceive true feelings.

Then all they do is apologizing for giving you false hope.
Not knowing that regretting cannot fix what has already broken.
That it hurts to be rejected by someone you love.
It is very hard to stand on your feet after knowing the sad truth.
But there’s nothing more painful than making someone glide into an imaginary sea.
It’s the worst feeling ever to wake up and fall hard from the highest fantasy.

So, if that'd be the case,
Neither of them is deserving.

Always choose GENUINE LOVE, among others.
Love over wealth; Love over comfort; Love over security.
You should not settle for less.
You must be willing to wait.
For love that is authentic, there will be no categories to choose. 
All of these – WITHOUT ASKING- will be given to you unconditionally.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Kung Bakit Ako Sumulat


Mahal ko,

Kamusta?
Pasensya na, naistorbo na naman kita.
Ginabi ka na naman ng uwi, panigurado pagod ka na.
Gusto lang sana kitang makausap. Busy ka ba?

Kwentuhan mo naman ako ng araw mo.
Kahit saglit lang; kahit na ano.
Napagalitan ka na naman ba ng boss mo?
Si Jay, hinatid ka ba niya hanggang sa bahay nyo?
Kumusta kayo, di ka ba nya niloloko?
Ngapala, nakita kong binigyan ka n'ya ng puting rosas noong araw ng mga puso?
'Di ba iyon yung paborito mo?
Kwentuhan mo naman ako.

Gusto ko lang naman malaman ang estado mo.
O kahit malaman ko lang mga ginagawa mo.
Huwag kang mag-alala!
Kung may problema ka, nandito lang ako.
Kakargahin ko 'yang pasan-pasan mo, o kahit ikaw pa mismo.
Kung nasasaktan ka, naku, sanay na 'ko.
Tulad ng dati, sasaluhin ko lahat ng luha sa mga mata mo.
Pero sana ngayong araw, masaya ka.
Dahil bibilangin ko kung ilang beses lumabas yang biloy sa mga pisngi mo.
Kung gusto mo, iguguhit ko pa bawat pag-ngiti mo.
Tapos ibibigay ko mga obra ko - 'pag nagkita tayo.

O, napangiti na naman kita.
Huwag kang masyadong kiligin, baka ma-inlove ka sakin.
Demanding ako masyado, kaya mo ba 'kong mahalin?
Kaya mo bang magmahal ng dalawa -
Yung kalahati ng puso mo sa kanya, yung
kalahati sa akin?
Sige ka, saka si Jay, baka magselos siya.
Tama nang nag-uusap tayong dalawa,
Baka hanggang doon lang talaga.

O sya, ala-una na pala ng umaga, matulog ka na.
Napuyat na naman kita. Pasensya na.
Kausapin mo nalang ako 'pag may ibang oras ka.
Mag-iingat ka palagi. Mahal kita.

PS: Sana balang-araw ipakilala mo ko kay Jay, 'pag handa ka na.

Nagmamahal,

KAbkd